Zombie Jokes A lawyerzombie jokes 4
A doctor
And a zombie walk into a bar…
Three zombies walk out.
Zombies only eat people with brains…, I lack a brain.

Top 100 Funny Zombie Jokes

  1. Q: Where do you go to buy zombies?
    A: The monSTORE!
  2. Q: What did the man say to his forgetful zombie wife?
    A: You forgot your HEAD because it wasn’t attached!
  3. Q: Who did the zombie take out for dinner?
  4. A: His GHOULfriend!
  5. Q: Why did the zombie ignore all his new Facebook friends?
    A: He was still DIGESTING all his old Facebook friends!
  6. Q: What is a zombie’s favorite toy?
    A: A DEADY bear!
  7. Q: What did everyone say about the big zombie party?
    A: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!zombie jokes 3
  8. Q: What did the zombie say to his date?
    A: I just love a woman with BRAAAINS!
  9. Q: What was the zombie’s greatest invention?
    A: Canned BRAAAINS!
  10. Q: What is the difference between zombies & patched jeans?
    A: Zombies are DEAD men, jeans are menDEAD!
  11. Q: What do all the Apple zombies keep telling Steve Jobs?
    A: We’re DYING to have YOU for dinner!
  12. Q: How did the zombie’s “Grease” audition go?
    A: Bad, they couldn’t envision Danny as GREEN, ROTTING & GRUESOME!
  13. Q: What did the zombie hope for before his blind date?
    A: Someone with a PULSE & plenty of BRAAAINS!
  14. Q: What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?
    A: “DYING To Meet You!”
  15. Q: Why didn’t the zombie get the job?
    A: They wanted someone with more energy & less ROTTING flesh!
  16. Q: How did the zombie treat every day of death?
    A: Like he was LIVING!
  17. Q: Why did the zombie buy a Jet Ski?
    A: He wanted to ENJOY the apocalypse!
  18. Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
    A: A MOMster!
  19. Q: What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?
    A: LIFE Savers!
  20. Q: What did the zombie’s friend say after she joined Greenpeace?
    A: Uggghhh, you’re one of those annoying GREEN zombies!
  21. Q: What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
    A: A DEAD ringer!
  22. Q: Where do zombies go swimming?
    A: The DEAD Sea!
  23. Q: Where do most zombies live?
    A: On DEAD end streets!
  24. Q: Where is the safest place in your home from a zombie?
    A: The LIVING room!zombie jokes 5
  25. Q: Who won the zombie war?
    A: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!
  26. Q: What did the zombie’s ex say when she wouldn’t stop calling
    A: You’re DEAD to me!
  27. Q: What do you call a dead bee?
    A: A zomBEE!
  28. Q: Do zombies eat dinner with their family?
    A: No, their family IS the dinner!
  29. Q: What did the zombie say before his fight?
    A: Do you want a PIECE of me?
  30. Q: Do dark circles around the zombie’s eyes make him look dead?
    A: No, but being DEAD does!
  31. Q: Why did the zombie go crazy?
    A: He had LOST his mind!
  32. Q: What is a zombie’s favorite meal?
    A: A MANwich!
  33. Q: What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
    A: I’m GREEN with envy!
  34. Q: What did the zombie say to his wife Barbara?
    A: I’m coming to get you, BARBARA!
  35. Q: How are zombies like computers?
  36. A: They use megaBITES!Q: How do you know a zombie is tired
    A: He’s DEAD on his feet!
  37. Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?
    A: He wiped his BUTT!
  38. Q: What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
    A: Head & Shoulders!
  39. Q: What kind of streets do zombies like best
    A: DEAD end!
  40. Q: What does a zombie get when he comes home late for dinner?
  41. A: The cold SHOULDER!
  42. Q: What did the zombie eat after his teeth were pulled?
    A: The DENTIST!
  43. Q: Where do zombies go on cruises
    A: The DEADiterranean Sea!
  44. Q: What do zombies wear when it’s raining?
    A: BRAAAINcoats!zombie jokes 6
  45. Q: Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?
    A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!
  46. Q: Why did the zombie cross the road
    A: To get to the BRAAAINS!
  47. Q: Knock…knock! Who’s there? Zombie! Zombie who?
  48. A: BRAAAINS!
  49. Q: How do they smooth the ice on a zombie hockey rink?
    A: With a ZomBONI!
  50. Q: What does it take to become a zombie?
    A: DEADication!
  51. Q: What do zombies order at bars?
    A: A shot of To-KILL-Ya!
  52. Q: Did you hear about the zombie who tortured his victims with music?
    A: His BACH was worse than his bite!
  53. Q: What time do zombies wake up
    A: At ATE o’clock!
  54. Q: What is a zombie’s favorite TV show?
    A: “CHOMPING On The Stars!”
  55. Q: How do zombies serve their country
    A: In the Marine CORPSE!
  56. Q: What cereal does a zombie eat for breakfast?
    A: Raisin BRAAAINS!
  57. Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
    A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!
  58. Q: Why do zombies make good DJs?
    A: They produce lots of sound BITES!Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital?
    A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!Q: Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit
    A: He had NO LEG to STAND ON!Q: What do you do if you see a zombie
    A: Hope it’s HALLOWEEN!
  59. Q: What did one zombie say to the other zombie while eating a comedian
    A: This tastes FUNNY!
  60. Q: What do vegetarian zombies crave?
    A: GRAAAINS…more GRAAAAAAINS!
  61. Q: What do little zombies play?
    A: CORPSES & Robbers!
  62. Q: What did the zombie’s friend say when introduced to his new girlfriend?
    A: Where the heck did you DIG her UP from?
  63. Q: Who do cowboy zombies fight?
    A: DEADskins!
  64. Q: What has a dog’s head, a cat’s tail & brains all over its face
    A: A zombie LEAVING the PET STORE!zombie jokes 1 - Copy
  65. Q: What is black, white & dead all over
    A: A zombie in a TUXEDO!
  66. Q: Why did the zombie cross the road
    A: He wanted to EAT the chicken!
  67. Q: Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
    A: He kept BUTTERING up his teacher!
  68. Q: Why did the zombie stop teaching?
    A: He only had one PUPIL!
  69. Q: How do zombies tell their future?
    A: With their HORRORscope!Q: What do zombies like to eat at cookouts?
    A: Beanie HALLOWEENies!
  70. Q: Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist
    A: To improve his BITE!
  71. Q: How many zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb
    A: None, zombies CAN’T FIT in a light bulb & they DON’T screw!
  72. Q: Why did the zombie put poison in people’s corn flakes?
    A: He was a CEREAL killer!
  73. Q: What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman?
    A: FrostBITE!
  74. Q: What is a zombie’s favorite mode of transportation?
    A: SCAREplanes!
  75. Q: What type of dogs do zombies like best
    A: BLOODhound!
  76. Q: Why did the dyslexic zombie starve to death?
    A: He couldn’t find any SNIAAARB!
  77. Q: Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
    A: He had LOST his GUTS!
  78. Q: What is a zombie’s favorite football team?
    A: The Washington DEADskins!
  79. Q: How do zombies keep their hair in place?
    A: With SCARE spray!
  80. Q: What is black, white & red all over?
    A: A nun being EATEN by zombies!
  81. Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital? A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!
  82. Q: Did you hear about the vegan Zombie? A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!
  83. Q: Why did “The Walking Dead” win an Emmy? A: DEADication!
  84. Q: How does a zombie introduce himself? A: By saying “Pleased to eat you.”
  85. Q: What’s a zombies favorite bean? A: A human bean.
  86. Q: Did you hear about the zombie comic book? A: It’s called YOLO and it’s full of irony.
  87. Q: Why do zombies only date intelligent women? A: They just love a woman with BRAAAINS!
  88. Q: What do all the Apple shareholder zombies keep telling Tim Cook? A: We’re DYING to have YOU for dinner!
  89. Q: Did you hear about the new zombie dating book? A: It’s called “DYING To Meet You!”
  90. Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of children? A: A MOMster!
  91. Q: What’s a zombies favorite desert? A: I-Scream!
  92. Q: Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? A: Because people are dying to get in.
  93. Q: What would a monster’s psychiatrist be called? A: Shrinkenstein…
  94. Q: What does a zombie get when he’s late for dinner? A: The cold SHOULDER!
  95. Q: What did the zombie’s buddy say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
    A: Where the hell did you dig her up from?
  96. Q: What do all the Apple shareholder zombies continue telling Tim Cook? A: We’re DYING to have YOU for supper!
  97. Q: Did you catch wind of the new zombie dating book? An: It’s called “Biting the dust To Meet You!”
  98. Q: What do you call a zombie with loads of kids?An: A MOMster!
  99. Q: What’s a zombies most loved desert? An: I-Scream!
  100. Q: Why does a cemetery need to keep a wall around it? A: Because individuals are biting thedustto get in.

Zombie Jokes

Zombie Jokes – What did the vegeterian say when turned into a zombie?
Graaiiiinnnnss!! GRAAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNS!!!

Zombie Jokes – The baby zombie asks her mother “Mommy, do I have daddy’s eyes?” The mother says “Yes you do honey! Now eat them before they get cold!”

Zombie Jokes – Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat their fingers separately!

Zombie Jokes – As I walked up to my friend in my Halloween costume he seemed quite amused,
“Oh, so with the red jacket, green skin and tight trousers I’m guessing you’re the zombie Michael Jackson played in the Thriller video?”
“Nope.”
“Oh? So who are you?”
“Michael Jackson.”

Zombie Jokes – If you wanna tell all of your friends, family and colleagues that you’re socially inept, attention seeking, and a mindless zombie slave to the commercials and hype of one of the seemingly most popular corporations on the planet….

..There’s an app for that.

Zombie Jokes – Given the speed at which the human body actually decomposes in the open air, and is completely eaten away by flies, maggots, and bacteria, it seems that all we have to do to survive the zombie apocalypse is just stay indoors for a few days.

Zombie Jokes – My Grandad was so competitive that he made me bury him under a shopping Mall.
If he turned into a Zombie he wanted to be the first fucker to get in.

zombie jokes 7

Zombie Jokes – I was playing Nazi zombies using water pistols with the kids and my son was pretending to be a zombie, next thing you know a real fucking Nazi zombie comes sprinting towards me so I ran into the house and got my real double barrelled shotgun and I immediately blew it’s brains out. Then everyone that lived in the area starting coming over to see what happened. Thank fuck the wife is on holidays to Florida , she’s gonna be soo pissd when she finds out I mistaken her mother for a Nazi zombie.

zombie jokes

More Q n A Funny Zombie Jokes :-

Zombie Jokes – Q: Why did “The Walking Dead” win an Emmy? A: DEADication!

Zombie Jokes – Q: How does a zombie present himself? A: By saying “Satisfied to eat you.”

Zombie Jokes – Q: What’s a zombies most loved bean? An: A humanbean.

Zombie Jokes – Q: Did you find out about the zombie comicbook? An: It’s called YOLO and itsbrimming with incongruity.

Zombie Jokes – Q: Why do zombies just date smart ladies? A: They simply adore a lady with BRAAAINS!

 

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