Women Jokes – A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The guy smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends.”
Top 12 Funny Jokes About Woman
- Q: What does a woman put behind her ears to make herself more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
- Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can’t stand to see a man having a good time.
- Q: What did scooby doo say to the lady with the leaky tampon? A: Row row raggy.
- Q: Why is our salary like a women’s period?
A: It comes once in a month,lasts only for four or five days and if any month it does not come it means your fucked.
- Q: What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
A: They don’t fucking listen.
- Q: What is the definition of “making love”?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
- Q: Why did God create the orgasm?
A: So women can moan even when they’re happy.
- Q: What’s better than winning the WNBA championship?
A: Being able to pee standing up.
- Q: What is the difference between Feminists and Shit?
A: Feminists ain’t shit!
- Q: How is looking at a Feminist like looking into a Black Void?
A: There’s nothing there.
- Q: Why are splinters better than women?
A: Splinters are a pain, but they will eventually go away.
- Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Women Jokes – Boy calls 911.
Boy: Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it? Boy:
Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Women Jokes – An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason.
The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?”
The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, “Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?”
“No madam… I’m neither blind nor stupid… I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice.”
Women Jokes – At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, “Will you dance with me, please?”
The arrogant girl says, “I don’t dance with a kid.”
The taken back boy apologized, “I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant.”
First woman in space: “Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind.” What’s the problem? “Nothing.” Please tell us. “I’m fine.”
Women Jokes – Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile…
Women Jokes – Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house.
Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.
Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them.
“No, thank you,” Mrs. Watkins replied. “The Lord will provide.”
The men shrugged and rowed on.
By evening, the water level forced Mrs.
Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety.
She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up.
“Don’t trouble yourself,” she told him. “The Lord will provide.”
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney.
When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, “The Lord will provide.”
So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demande d to speak to God.
“What happened?” she cried. “For cryin’ out loud, lady,” God said, “I sent three boats!”
Women Jokes – The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn’t be ignored.
“Oh dear,” said the Queen, “How embarrassing. I’m frightfully sorry about that.”
“It’s quite understandable,” said the archbishop, and after a moment added, “as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse.”
Funny Jokes About Women
Funny jokes about women – Pretty
I’m too pretty to work!
Funny jokes about women – Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
Funny jokes about women – Normal
I tried being normal once… It was the worst 10 minutes of my entire life.
Funny jokes about women – Talking
If you think I talk too much, let me know. We can talk about it.
Funny jokes about women – Goose and pig
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says:
– Why did you have to bring a pig in with you?
The lady answers:
– Excuse me, I think this is a goose.
And the bartender says:
– Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.
Funny jokes about women – Gynecologist
The girl went to gynecologist. Undressed, opened her legs. The doctor says: –
Above! The girl picked up the legs above. The doctor says: – Above! Girl picked
up even higher. The doctor already screaming: – Above! Girl: – Well where I can
higher? I can’t anymore! Physician – Gynecologist office upstairs! Here is
Funny jokes about women – Luxury
The man tells his friend:
– My wife wants me to take her to
some luxurious place. I think I could take her to petrol station for gasoline…
More Funny Women Jokes
Funny Women Jokes – A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands “Stop That!”
The waiter looks at her dryly and says “Sure lady, which way was it headed?”
Funny Women Jokes – A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman.
He woke up in the morning and yelled, “A crocodile, a crocodile!”
The woman woke up and asked, “Where, where?”
A man cried again, “O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!”
Funny Women Jokes – In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested.
Then he created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Funny Women Jokes – A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, “Single, are you?”
woman smiles sweetly and replies, “How did you guess?”
He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Funny Women Jokes – “Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What?
Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
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