Wedding Jokes – Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
Husband says: “Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating!!”
Top 10 Wedding Jokes
- Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
- A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
- After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
- It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
- A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
- A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
- A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”
- Wife: “What are you doing?” Husband : Nothing. Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.” Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”
Wedding Jokes – After i-messaging back and forth with my wife, I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this message: “You need to get back to work now; you have a husband to support.”
Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to work now; you have a has-been to support.”
Wedding Jokes – My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication is
sues. Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling, “I’ve got it! You’re constipated!”
Wedding Jokes – A woman was telling her friend , “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him.” Asked the friend. The woman replied, ” A multi-millionaire”.
Wedding Jokes – “A young girl boards Flight BA3345 from Heathrow to New York and finds a seat in 1st class. As the Stewardesses check all the passengers, one Stewardess asks the young girl for her ticket. The young girl hand’s over her ticket, to which the Stewardess replied: “I’m sorry, but your are sat in the wrong seat” in a helpful manner.
Wedding Jokes – “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!” replied the young girl. The Stewardess was surprised at the young girl’s answer, so she decided to call the Senior Steward. The Senior Steward decided that nobody was getting a free upgrade to 1st, so she also informed the young girl that she had sat in the wrong seat and was to sit in economy at the rear. “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!” replied the young girl in a firmer tone.
Wedding Jokes – The Senior Steward thought that this might be a job for the Co-pilot, so she asked the Co-pilot to try and resolve this matter. So the Co-pilot decided to have a go to see if he could move the young girl. “Excuse me Miss, but your sat in the wrong seat” said the Co-pilot. “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!” replied the young girl. “I’m sorry Miss, but if you don’t move to your proper seat, I’ll have to ask you to leave the aircraft” replied the Co-pilot. “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to New York to be a Supermodel and marry a millionaire!” replied the young girl. Being new to this game, the Co-pilot decided to consult the Captain.
Wedding Jokes – “Let me sort her out” said the Captain. The Captain then approached the young girl and whispered in herthe Captain returned to the Flight-deck, the young girl got out of the seat and proceeded down the aircraft towards her proper seat. “Cor, what did you say to her?” asked the Co-pilot. To which the Captain replied: “I told her 1st class wasn’t going to New York”.
Wedding Jokes – Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage. He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “congratulations Harry, I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.” “But sir”, said Harry, “a little bit confused, I’m not getting married until tomorrow!” “Yeah, I know”, said his boss.
Wedding Jokes – I was very happy when an acquaintance of mine informed me that she was engaged. Trying to help, I told her that before my marriage, I went for premarital counseling and found it very helpful. “Oh, we don’t need counseling,” she quickly assured me, “we were both married several times before!”
Wedding Jokes – Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years.
One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen.
His wife asks, “What’s wrong, Bill?” “Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”
His wife gasps, “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired.” “No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh, um, she got fired, too.”
More Funny Wedding Jokes
Funny Wedding Jokes – When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s dancing.”
My father, seeing where this was heading, said, “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.”
“And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out of town.”
“We’ll need a photographer. Oh, and what colors do you want for the reception?”
We eloped to Spain.
Funny Wedding Jokes – My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
Funny Wedding Jokes – My client buys many rental properties, not always with the enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered.
Funny Wedding Jokes – Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
Funny Wedding Jokes – “So Grandpa” asked Dave at his engagement party “your marriage to Grandma is legendary everyone talks about how you two get along so well and never fight, what’s the secret to your marital success?”
“Well” said Grandpa Joe after taking a deep puff on his cigar “it all started on the way home from our wedding, we hadn’t gone but a mile when the horse started giving us trouble I gave the horse a little whip and that’s when I heard your Grandma say in a low voice “that’s strike one.” A bit later the horse stopped again “that’s strike two” she said. The third time it stopped she grabbed my shotgun out of my holster and shot it in the head.
I was in shock! “What in the world was that all about?” I had protested at the time. “That’s strike one!” she said back to me. “And that is what I owe our marital success to.”
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