Some Funny Jokes – A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
Top 15 Some Funny Jokes
- Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9
- Q: What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?
A: hot chalk-olate!
- Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
A: SWAG Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall? A: Dam!
- Q: How does a math professor propose to his fiance?
A: With a polynomial ring!
- Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band — because it streches.
- Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
- Q: How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?
- Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
A: Because he was a paleontologist.
- Q: Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
A: Because she sprained her angle!!
- Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: When 2 are 1 and don’t pay at10tion, they’ll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they’ll be 3.
- Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.
- Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean?
A: Mobius Dick.
- Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four
- Q: How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles?
- Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!
Some Funny Jokes
Some Funny Jokes – A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Some Funny Jokes – Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I’ll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
Some Funny Jokes – A MAN TO SANTA– UR FRND IS KISSING UR WIFE IN UR HOME,
HE RUSHES TO HIS HOME
AND COME WITH IN HALF AN HOUR N
SLAPPED TAT MAN N SAID–
HE WAS NOT MY FRND..
Some Funny Jokes – Son: I am not able to go to school today.
Father: what happened?
Son: I am not feeling well
Father: Where you are not feeling well?
Son: In school!
Some Funny Jokes – Sam: Dear sir, I want to ask you something.
Teacher: yes Sam, ask me, what do you want?
Sam: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do?
Teacher: No Sam. Why should I?
Sam: Thank you sir. That’s a relief. I haven’t done the homework.
Some Funny Jokes – Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I”
Student: “I is..”
Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am”
Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!
Some Funny Jokes – The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Some Funny Jokes – A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.
Some Funny Jokes – A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!
Some Funny Jokes – When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: “Green, green!”
They answer: “Yellow?”
They ask: “White?”
They hang up: “Pink!”
While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.
Some Funny Jokes – Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.
Some Funny Jokes – “Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?”
“No, I’m sorry I don’t.”
“Well, it’s two blocks this way, then one block to the left.”
Some Funny Jokes – Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well…yes and no.
Some Funny Jokes – Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, “Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!” The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, “You see, it pays to be bilingual!”
Submitted by Jeanne Ramirez
Some Funny Jokes – Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,”oh, come on, let’s eat the sandwiches.” Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, “If you do, I won’t go!”
Submitted by Abu Abdulaziz (Kuwait)
Some Funny Jokes – The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ….
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run …
Submitted by: Mouhssin
Some Funny Jokes – Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.
Submitted by Fred G. Stone
Some Funny Jokes – A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast
B: What was it?
B: No, that was yesterday.
Submitted by: Janekt Ho
Some Funny Jokes – A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?
Submitted by: Girish Chavan
Some Funny Jokes – Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.
Submitted by: Rizwana Lahore Pakistan
Some Funny Jokes – Said to a railroad engineer:
What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?
Submitted by Kyle Jefferson
A person who speaks two languages is bilingual…A person who speaks three languages is trilingual…A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?
Submitted by H. Terrell
Some Funny Jokes – A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”
The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”
Some Funny Jokes – Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Some Funny Jokes – Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
Submitted by: Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau
Some Funny Jokes – Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”
Submitted by: Michael Trew Man: How can you tell if a man is happy?
Woman : Who cares?!
More Some Funny Jokes
- Q: Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
- Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- Q: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?
A: They required an orientation.
- Q: How did the geography student drown?
A: His grades were below C-level
- Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?
A: He works it out with a pencil.
- Q: Why is a math book always unhappy?
A: Because it always has lots of problems.
- Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
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