School Jokes – Students in the class
(-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-) (-_-)
When teacher say tomorrow will be exam
(O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O)(O_O)
During the exam
(→_→) (←_←) (→_→) (←_←) (→_→)(←_←)
When monitor comes in (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓) (↓_↓)
In the end of the exam
(͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏) (͡๏̯͡๏)
Top 25 School Jokes
- Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?
A: He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY)
- Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
- Q: What’s the difference between a dead prostitute and school?
A: School still sucks!
- Q: What happened to the plant in math class?
A: It grew square roots.
- Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
- Q: What is a proof?
A: One-half percent of alcohol.
- Q: Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
- Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- Q: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?
A: They required an orientation.
- Q: How did the geography student drown?
A: His grades were below C-level
- Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?
A: He works it out with a pencil.
- Q: Why is a math book always unhappy?
A: Because it always has lots of problems.
- Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic in the jungle?
A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!
- Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9
- Q: What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?
A: hot chalk-olate!
- Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
- Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
- Q: How does a math professor propose to his fiance?
A: With a polynomial ring!
- Q: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
A: Rubber-band — because it streches.
- Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?A: H2O cubed.
- Q: How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?
- Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
A: Because he was a paleontologist.
- Q: Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
A: Because she sprained her angle!!
- Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: When 2 are 1 and don’t pay at10tion, they’ll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they’ll be 3.
- Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.
School Jokes – Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did
I do on my research paper?
Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.
School Jokes – What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
“Why does it work?”
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
“How does it work?”
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
“How much will it cost?” What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
“Do you want fries with that?”
School Jokes – One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution.
Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn’t believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, “But I thought God created mankind?”
Ms. Evans then replied, “Well can you see God?”
This went on for quite a while.
“Well then God doesn’t exist.”
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, “Can you see Ms. Evan’s brain. No, so that must not exist.”
School Jokes – For My Next Impression…
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.
“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.
“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.
“So you do remember me?” I asked.
“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”
School Jokes – A mother complained to my wife,
a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils.
“It’s not the money—it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.”
School Jokes – There’s a Timeout in His Future
“Hurry up or we’ll be late!” shouts a teacher to her kindergarten class.
“What’s the rush?” a tot asks coolly.
“If we’re late, we’ll miss your next class!” the teacher reminds him.
The kid shrugs. “If you’re in such a hurry, go on without us.”
School Jokes – Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!”
Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?”
Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.”
Boy: “And do you know who I am?”
Boy: “Thank goodness!”
School Jokes – A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, “Why are you late?” He told her, “I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match.” But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, “Still why are you late?” He answered, “Because there was extra time.
School Jokes – Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”
Kid 1: “As if.”
Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”
Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”
Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”
School Jokes – Teacher: “Why are you so late?”
Student: “Someone told me to go to hell.”
Teacher: “Why did that make you late to class?”
Student: “I couldn’t find it at first, but now here I am.”
School Jokes – A teacher asked her students to use the word “contagious” in a sentence. Johnny raised his hand and said, “My mom was shoveling the driveway and my dad said, ‘At this rate, it will take that cunt ages.'”
School Jokes – Johnny’s teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said, “My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.” The teacher said “Very good.” Johnny raised his hand and said, “Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, ‘Beautiful, fucking beautiful!'”
School Jokes – A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
“I would do anything to pass this exam.”
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
“I mean…” she whispers, ” I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
His voice softens.
His voice turns to a whisper.
School Jokes – Boy: “I got an F in arithmetic.”
Boy: “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and I said ‘6’”
Father: “But that’s right!” Boy: “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'”
Father: “What’s the fucking difference?”
Boy: “That’s exactly what I said!”
Funny School Jokes
Funny School Jokes – After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, “I had sex with my teacher.” She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son’s room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, “I had sex with my teacher.” The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, “No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts.”
Funny School Jokes – Johnny was at school and the teacher said, “Someone use fascinate in a sentence.” Sally answered, “The zoo was fascinating.” The teacher said, “Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence.” Maria suggested, “I was fascinated at the zoo.” Once again the teacher said, “No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence.” Johnny said, “My sister has ten buttons on her sweater.” Again the teacher said, “Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence.” Johnny replied, “I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight.”
Funny School Jokes – Bathroom Boy:
Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet
Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: Where’s the p?
Boy: “Half way down my leg.”
Funny School Jokes – Little Boy
Son: “My math teacher is crazy”.
Son: “Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2.”
Funny School Jokes – Wife or Girlfriend
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”
The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.”
The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me…”
Funny School Jokes – Girlfriend
“What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?” “She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.” “I don’t believe that she cheated on you!” “Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns…”
Funny School Jokes – Psychic Hotline
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.” Prostitute Teacher: Describe hydrogen Student: It is a prostitute element Teacher: Who taught you that? Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.
Funny School Jokes – Water
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That’s not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was…H to O.
More School Appropriate Jokes
School Appropriate Jokes – Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
School Appropriate Jokes – Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!
Mom: That’s great. What in?
Stevie: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
School Appropriate Jokes – Hunter: What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school?
Josh: Beats me.
Hunter: Pop quizzes!
School Appropriate Jokes – What kind of school do you go to if you’re…
…an ice cream man? Sundae school.
…a giant? High school.
…a surfer? Boarding school.
…King Arthur? Knight school.
School Appropriate Jokes – Mom: What did you do at school today?
Mark: We did a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.
Mark: That’s right!
School Appropriate Jokes – Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
School Appropriate Jokes – Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself?
Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!
School Appropriate Jokes – Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Phil: He has only one pupil.
School Appropriate Jokes – Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!Teacher: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have? Billy: A delicious fruit salad.
School Appropriate Jokes – Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?
Johnny: In jail!
School Appropriate Jokes – Teacher: Tommy, can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed?
Tommy: Yes, ma’am. At the bottom.
School Appropriate Jokes – Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly.
Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan.
Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.
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Funny Jokes In English
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