Quick Jokes: I love good short funny and quick jokes. People can share it quick and in a short time. Here are some of the
funny quick jokes which people say it over and over again:
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
- What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
- Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
- Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.
- What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
- What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.
- What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
- Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”
- Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
- Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!
- Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
- What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
- You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.
- What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
- Dry erase boards are remarkable.
- Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
- How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- Two penguins walk into a bar… which is stupid because the second one should have seen it.
- What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.
- I was wondering why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets…. then it hit me.
- Have I told you this deja vu joke before?
- Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
- Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be…
- I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
- How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
- Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, “Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh”. The next whale says, “Shut up, Steve. You’re drunk.”
- I hate Russian dolls…so full of themselves
- What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs.
- “I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
- Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? (whether they say ‘yes’ or ‘no’): K.
- What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*
- A baby seal walks into a club.
- My grandad has the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the San Diego Zoo.
More Funny Quick Jokes
Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!
Q: What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion
Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog
Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look grandpa, no hands!
Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?
A: The Space bar!
Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!
Q: What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was out-standing in his field.
Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each ‘s’
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
Q: Why couldn’t dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.
Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
A: Oh Snap!
Q: What did one hat say to another?
A: You stay here, I’ll go on a head
Q: What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You’re too young to smoke!
Q. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
A. I just love baskin’ robins.
Q: Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
A: Because it’s a little meteor
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: He neverlands!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world?
A: A stamp
Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!
Q: What did the horse say when he fell?
A: Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up!
Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
Q: Which U.S. State has the smallest soft drinks?
Q: Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
A: All of the fans left
Q: What did the duck say to the bartender?
A: Put it on my bill
Q: How does a squid go into battle?
A: Well Armed
Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Q: What did the Time Traveler do when he was still hungry after his last bite?
A: He went back four seconds.
Q: What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?
A: A loose Canon.
Q: Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
A: He takes things personally.
Q: Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas?
A: Clothes, but no cigar.
Q: What do you call the sound a dog makes when it’s choking on a piece of its owner’s jewelry?
A: A diamond in the ruff.
Q: What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose?
A: Yoga pants.
Q: How do you impress a baker when you’re taking his daughter on a date?
A: Bring her flours.
Q: Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibit?
A: Because it was cultured.
Q: Where do cows hang their paintings?
A: In the mooo-seum.
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
A: Wait at a buzz stop!
Q: What did the fashion police officer say to his sweater?
A: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Q: What do you call a group of unorganized cats?
A: A Cat-astrophe
Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work?
A: His car got toad.
Q: What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
A: A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
Q: What do you give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid!
Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Q: Where do Volkswagens go when they get old
A: The Old Volks home!
Q: Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
A: They kept dropping their trunks.
Q: What’s the most musical part of a chicken?
A: The drumstick
Q: What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
A: A Bagel
Quick Jokes – The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: Would you still love me if I became fat and lost my looks.
Husband: What do you mean “if”?
Quick Jokes – The following conversation took place between a husband and wife in Dublin.
Paddy: Hi, darling, hope you had a nice day at work, I’ve finished nailing all your sex toys to the wall.
Paddy’s Wife: You f*cking useless twat I said I wanted a dado rail!
Quick Jokes – Me: Do you here what scientists are saying?
Her: No what.
Me: That there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy Uranus.
Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic.
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Funny Jokes In English
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