Pope Jokes – A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, “Father, what causes arthritis?”
“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,” the priest replied.
“Imagine that,” the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
“I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, “but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.”

Top 10 Funny Pope Jokes

  1. The search for the Pope has begun.
    I’m amazed that’s never been a police headline.
  2. Telegraph: Security increased for Pope’s Malta visit
    All children to be removed from the Island…
  3. So, Pope Francis only has one lung.
    He may not be able to give a very powerful public address, but at least the choir boys can outrun him.
  4. Was watching the pope earlier and couldn’t help but think…
    How fast could the stig get the pope’s car around top gears track?
  5. The Pope must have pulled one hell of a christmas cracker to wear that fucking hat.
  6. What was the last thing the Pope said to his staff before he left the Vatican?
    “Remember lads, what goes on tour stays on tour”
  7. What will the Pope do now he’s retired?
    More kids, probably.
  8. Am I the only one who thinks the Pope tweeting from an iPad is a bad idea?
    The last time Adam and Eve used an Apple shit didn’t end well………
  9.  The New Pope thinks gay adoption is like child abuse. Since when did the Catholic Church become such experts in child abuse…
    Oh wait never mind.
  10. The search for the Pope has begun.
    I’m amazed that’s never been a police headline.

Pope Jokes

Pope Jokes – The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: “I am the pope.”
St. Peter: “Who? There’s no such name in my book.”
The Pope: “I’m the representative of God on Earth.”pope jokes 1
St.Peter: “Does God have a representative? He didn’t tell me …”
The Pope: “But I am the leader of the Catholic Church …”
St. Peter: “The Catholic church … Never heard of it … Wait, I’ll check with the boss.”
St. Peter walks away through Heaven’s Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: “There’s a dude standing outside who claims he’s your representative on earth.”
God: “I don’t have a representative on earth, not that I know of … Wait, I’ll ask Jesus.” (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: “Yes father, what’s up?”
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: “Wait, I’ll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.”
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he’s laughing.
Jesus: “Remember that fishing club I’ve started 2000 years ago? It still exists!”

Pope Jokes – What_Does_the_Pope_Drink”
Seamus and Michael, two boyos from County Clare, Ireland went on holiday to Rome.  After a quick look around the Vatican they made for the nearest bar.  Seamus asked the barman for two pints of heavy’.  ‘Heeavyy, we don’t stock that’, said the barman.
Michael chipped in, ‘We’ve just seen where the Pope lives, what does he drink?
The barman sensing a sale after all says, ‘he likes a glass of Crème de Menthe whenever he drinks here’.
‘That’ll do us’, says Seamus, ‘gives us two pints of that, then’.  Two large glasses of Crème de Menthe duly arrive.
‘What do you think? Michael asks his drinking companion ‘It’s a bit like drinking Polar Mints’, his companion replies.
‘Ah well, who cares.  Another two pints of Crème de Menthe please.’  Michael says to the barman.
They wake up in the morning, in a terrible state.  Sometime later Seamus ponders, ‘They say the Pope drinks that green stuff, no wonder they carry him around in a chair.’

Pope Jokes – Funny Papal Stories  – The Club
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: I am the pope.
St. Peter: Who? There’s no such name in my book.
The Pope: I’m the representative of God on Earth.
St. Peter: Does God have a representative? He didn’t tell me …
The Pope: But I am the leader of the Catholic Church …
St. Peter: The Catholic church … Never heard of it … Wait, I’ll check with the boss.  St. Peter walks away through Heaven’s Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: There’s a dude standing outside who claims he’s your representative on earth.
God: I don’t have a representative on earth, not that I know of … Wait, I’ll ask Jesus. (Yells for Jesus)
Jesus: Yes father, what’s up?
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: Wait, I’ll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.
Ten minutes pass and Jesus re-enters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he’s laughing.
Jesus: Remember that fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It still exists!

Pope Jokes – Looking For My Son
One day, Jesus was walking by the Pearly Gates, when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes.
Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard.
‘How did you spend your life on earth my son?’ asked Jesus.
‘I was a simple carpenter for sixty years.’ replied the old man.
‘And what do you hope to find here in heaven?’ asked Jesus.
‘I hope to find my son.’ said the man
‘Well there are millions upon millions of people here, how will you find him?’
‘I’ll recognize him by the nail holes in his hands and feet,’ states the old man.
Jesus does a double take, thinks for a moment and says, ‘Father?’
The old man looks at Jesus and says, ‘Pinocchio?’

Pope Jokes – Michael Jackson, the Pope and a bunch of kids are on a plane. Suddenly the plane becomes out of control and is on course to crash.
“Here, there are 2 parachutes.” said the Pope.
“What about the kids?” replied Jacko.
“Fuck the kids.” said the Pope.
To this, Jacko said, “We haven’t got enough time.”

Pope Jokes – One day the Pope was walking down an Italian road when he spotted a black magic shop in an alleyway.
Curious, he decided to go inside and look around. As he approached the counter, the woman behind told him they were doing a special on Voodoo Dolls.
The Pope thought for a few moments and told the woman he would like to buy one. She then informed him he would need to get the hair of the person he would like the doll to represent. He plucked some hair from his head and handed it over the counter. “You want a doll of yourself?” she asked. The Pope nodded and soon left with his doll.

Pope Jokes – The next day the Pope was visiting the victim of abuse at one of his churches. Producing the doll he said to the child, “Show me on the doll where the naughty priest touched you.”

Pope Jokes – I really don’t get why we needed the Pope to visit the UK. I mean, what does he do?
He’s like a school hamster that gets replaced with the same name when the old one dies so the children won’t cry.

Pope Jokes – Everyone keeps on giving the Pope a hard time, but I think they should go easy on him.
I mean he’s an 83 year old man who wears a skirt, gets bullied all the time and still believes that his imaginary friend is real.

More Pope Jokes

Pope Jokes – Smoke has been reported coming from the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.
The Pope hasn’t died, he’s just torching his child porn stash before he leaves.
Pope Jokes – Telegraph: Security increased for Pope’s Malta visit

All children to be removed from the Island…

Pope Jokes – So, Pope Francis only has one lung.
He may not be able to give a very powerful public address, but at least the choir boys can outrun him.

Pope Jokes – Was watching the pope earlier and couldn’t help but think…
How fast could the stig get the pope’s car around top gears track?pope jokes

Pope Jokes – The Pope must have pulled one hell of a christmas cracker to wear that fucking hat.

Pope Jokes – What was the last thing the Pope said to his staff before he left the Vatican?
“Remember lads, what goes on tour stays on tour”

Pope Jokes – What will the Pope do now he’s retired?
More kids, probably.

Pope Jokes – Am I the only one who thinks the Pope tweeting from an iPad is a bad idea?
The last time Adam and Eve used an Apple shit didn’t end well………

Pope Jokes – The New Pope thinks gay adoption is like child abuse. Since when did the Catholic Church become such experts in child abuse….
Oh wait never mind.

 

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