Phone Jokes – Best Friends
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…
She is speaking in a cheery voice) “Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?” “Oh” she replies, “that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”
Top 23 Short Phone Jokes
- Q: What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
A: iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP
- Q: How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6s plus?
A: Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
- Q: What do you get when you cross an iPhone 6 plus and skinny jeans?
A: A LG Flex.
- Q: Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
A: They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn’t have a Flash player installed!
- Q: How many Apple Iphone early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
- Q: What do the latest Iphone applications do?
A: Whiten teeth and perform lasik eye surgery!
- Q: According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphones overheating?
A: Downloading images of Katy Perry!
- Q: What do you call a Scottish iPhone?
A: An AyePhone.
- Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A: A Macintosh What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge? Cool music.
- Q: Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 4 buyers?
A: It doesn’t help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping a call!
- Q. What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants?
- Q. How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub?
A. They both have rings!
- Q. What happened to the little frog who sat on the telephone?
A. He grew up to be a bellhop!
- Q. What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron?
A. A smooth operator!
- Q. What do you call a large person who constantly calls up people, pretending to be somebody else?
A. A big phone-y!
- Q. Why didn’t the skeleton need a telephone?
A. He had no body to talk with!
- Q. How does a cheerleader answer the phone?A. H-E-L-L-O!
- Q. What do you get if you cross a phone with a pair of glasses?
A. A television.
- Q. What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance?
A. When they’re not home!
- Q. How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls?
- Q. What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration?
A. A party line!
- Q. How does a barber make phone calls?
A. He cuts them short.
- Q. Why didn’t the mummy want a telephone?
A. He always got too wrapped up in his calls!
Phone Jokes – Wrong Number?
Very early one morning the ‘phone rang at Barry’s house, it was 3am. He picked up the phone and a woman bellowed into his ear, ‘Is this 2983645?’
‘No, I’m sorry, this is 2983642,’ Barry answered, surprisingly calmly.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry for disturbing you then,’ the woman said.
‘That’s alright,’ Barry murmured, ‘I had to get up to answer the ‘phone anyway.’
Phone Jokes – Right Number?
Jerry was deeply in love with Myra, but couldn’t pluck up enough courage to ‘pop the question’ face to face. So Jerry decided to ask her on the telephone.
‘Darling,’ he blurted out, ‘will you marry me?’
‘Of course, I will, you silly boy,’ Myra replied, ‘but first, who’s calling please?’
Phone Jokes – Guy’s Funniest Phone Joke
The telephone rang in the stately home of Lord Armstrong in North Yorkshire, England and his butler answered the call.
‘It’s me. Please go to my wife’s bedroom and tell her that I’ll be home late from the club.’
I’m sorry, Milord, her ladyship is already asleep.’
‘Then wake her and tell her, while I hold the ‘phone,’ the caller demanded.
‘Yes, Sir,’ the butler replied.
The butler returned and said, ‘My Lord, her ladyship’s door was locked, and when I knocked, a man’s voice told me to go hell.’
The caller then ordered gruffly, ‘Damn them! Get a rifle from my collection, break down the door, and shoot them both.’
‘Yes, Sir,’ the butler responded.
A few minutes later, the butler returned to the ‘phone and reported, ‘My Lord, I tried my best. I killed your wife, but as I was about to shoot the man, he jumped through the window and into the garden, and ran away.’
The confused caller then said, ‘Eh, what garden? There’s no garden next to my bedroom window.’
‘In that case, Sir, I am afraid you dialled a wrong number. Good day.’
Phone Jokes – Walks Into a Bar
A man walks in a bar with his iphone…
He suddenly realises he needs to fart.
He logs into Itunes and ups the volume thinking ‘the music is loud no one will hear’
So he farts…
When he looks around, everyone’s staring at him Then he realises…
He was listening to his iphone with headphones.
Phone Jokes – Iphone download speeds
Michael: Iphone download speeds on AT&T are ridicously slow!
Jon: Tell me about it, this morning I logged into “Just 18” porno website.
Jon: By the time the first page had loaded, all the girls looked like they were in their mid 40s.
Phone Jokes – The millionaire husband
Man 1: I became a millionaire after marriage. Man 2: Wow! Your wife has sure bought lots of luck to you. Man 1: Actually I was a billionaire before marriage.
Phone Jokes – A call was answered at a 911 emergency center..
“Please, send an ambulance, my mother-in-law has eaten poisonous mushrooms,” a male caller said.
The ambulance came, and the paramedics examined the victim.
“Why does she have a bump on her head and bruises and scratches all over?,” one of the paramedics asked.
“She didn’t want to eat the mushrooms,” the son-in-law answered.
Phone Jokes – Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn’t pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. “Darling!” he blurted out, “will you marry me?” “Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “but who is speaking, please?”
Phone Jokes – What’s the difference between a married man and E.T.?
Phone Jokes – Funny Telephone Operator Tales
Will and Guy know a lady who works in Directory Enquiries in England and these are a few of the calls she receives, sometimes more than once:
‘I’d like the number for Windsor Safari Park, please.’
‘I’m sorry, madam, but it closed down in 1992.’
‘It can’t have, I took my grandchildren there last year.’
‘Give me the number for Middlesex County Council.’
‘Sorry, sir, but the council was abolished in the mid-70’s.’
‘Can I have a Chinese please?’
‘Which town please?’
‘This one, of course’.
E.T. phoned home.
Phone Jokes – The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
“Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?” inquired the officer.
“Mister,” exclaimed the telephone lineman, “I was at the top of the pole!”
More Phone Jokes
Phone Jokes – A group of redheads and a group of blondes heard that the telephone company was looking for people, so they went and applied. The telephone company decided to give them a test before hiring anyone so they sent the teams out to install telephone poles.
At the end of the day they reported back on how they had done. The team of redheads had installed 10 telephone poles and the team of blondes, one. The redheads were hired but the blonde team protested that the redheads had cheated because they left most of the poles sticking out of the ground.
Phone Jokes – Man: I’d like to call you. What is your telephone number?
Woman: It’s in the phone book.
Man: But I don’t know your name.
Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
Phone Jokes – The telephone rang in the mansion of Lord Glenarvan. The butler answered the call.
“It’s me. Please go to my wife’s bedroom and tell her that I’ll be home late from the club.”
“Sorry, Milord, her ladyship is already asleep.”
“Then wake her and tell her, while I hold the phone,” the caller said.
“Yes, Sir,” the butler replied.
The butler came back and said, “My Lord, her ladyship’s door was locked, and when I knocked, a man’s voice told me to go the hell.”
The caller then said, “Damn them! Get a rifle from my collection, break down the door, and shoot them both.”
“Yes, Sir,” the butler responded.”
A few minutes later, the butler returned to the phone and reported, “My Lord, I tried my best. I killed your wife, but as I was about to shoot the man, he jumped through the window and into the garden, and got away.”
The confused caller then said, “What garden? There’s no garden next to the bedroom window.” “In that case, Sir, I am afraid you dialed a wrong number. Good day.”
Phone Jokes – This is the Auto Attendant message at Britain’s National Health Service, Mental Health Helpline:
“If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly. If you have multiple personalities, press 2,3,4, & 5. If you are paranoid, we know who you are, stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you what to do. If you are delusional, press 6 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you have manic depression, it doesn’t matter what you press, no-one will answer anyway. If you have amnesia, press 7 and state your name, address, date of birth, telephone number, social security number and your mother’s maiden name. If you have post traumatic stress, press 8 very gently, slowly and carefully. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have low self esteem, please hang up, our operators are too busy to talk to you anyway”.
Phone Jokes – Once there lived a man who had a passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they had a lively reaction on him.
Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on.” So making the supreme sacrifice, he gave up baked beans.
They were married shortly thereafter.
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