Little Johnny Jokes – Teacher: Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on the subject of Baseball
Little Johnny: Here’s my paper
Teacher: Little Johnny, you spent only one minute writing your essay
Lets hear what you wrote
Little Johnny: Game called off on account of rain

little johnny jokes

Top 20 Funny Little Johnny Jokes

  1. Little Johnny’s teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
    Little Johnny says, “De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.”
  2. Little Johnny walked into the house shortly before noon.
    “Johnny!” his mother cried, “what are you doing home from school so early?”
    “I got the right answer to the question.” Beaming with pride, his mother asked, ” question was that?”
    “Who put the thumbtack on Theresa’s chair
  3. His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
    “A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
    “Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
  4. Teacher: Now, Little Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
    Little Johnny: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
  5. Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said
    “Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts”
    Immediately little Johnny said, “Ooh me sir me”
    The coach then said, “But Johnny you are the worst in the team!”
    Then Johnny said, “I know, but goalposts can’t jump!”
  6. Little Johnny wasn’t very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word “new” on the blackboard. “Now,” she asked Johnny, “what word would we have if we placed a “K” in the front?”
    After a moment’s reflection, Johnny said, “Canoe?”
  7. Little Johnny wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
    Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
    The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Johnny a $5.00 bill.
    President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
    Johnny was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
    Dear God,
    Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
    Thanks,
    Johnny
  8. At school one morning the teacher asked little Johnny what he had for breakfast.
    Little Johnny said, “Well, on my way to school I come cross this Apple tree, so I climbed up there and started eating apples.”
    “I guess I eat about six,” said little Johnny. “No,” said the teacher, “it’s ate!”
    Little Johnny said “Well it could’ve been eight, I don’t remember.”
  9. Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, “Dad, is god a man or a woman?”
    His Dad replies, “Johnny, both. God is both.”
    Johnny asks, “Dad, is god black or white?’
    His Dad says, “Both. God is both.”
    Ok, then Johnny asks, “Dad, is Michael Jackson God?”
  10. A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
    Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”
    Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.”
    Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”
    The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
    “Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’”
  11. Teacher: “Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, ‘geometry.’”
    Little Johnny: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, ‘Gee, I’m a tree.’”
  12. Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime — Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
    One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
    Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
  13. Little Johnny’s teacher said, “Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s.”
    Did you copy hers?, she asked.
    Johnny replied, “No, teacher, it’s the same dog!”
  14. One day, the teacher asked her class ‘What vegetable makes you cry?’
    Little Johnny replies “a turnip”.
    “No Johnny’ says the teacher, “Onions make you cry, not turnips”
    “No Miss” Says Johnny, “Have you never been hit in the bud with a turnip?”
  15. The Teacher asked Little Johnny, “How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?”
    Little Johnny replied, “Just Don’t bite any.”
  16. Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, “What did you learn in school today?”
    Little Johnny replies, “Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
  17. Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
    She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
    The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy.”
    A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
    Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r” after the first letter.”
    “That’s right!” she coaxed.
    Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, “Mrs. Crunt?”
  18. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face.”
    “Yes, sir,” the class said.
    “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
    Little Johnny shouted, “‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
  19. An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor.
    Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said,
    “If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn’t fall like that.
    The old man looked up and replied, “If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus.”
  20. Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school. Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
    “Hold on,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny was sitting in the park one day eating chocolate bars.
An old man comes along and sits next to him.
Little Johnny proceeds to eat more bars.
After the forth bar the man says to him don’t you think your eating too many chocolate bars.
Little Johnny tells says to him my grandfather lived to be 110 years old.
The old man looking surprised said really from eating a lot of chocolate bars like that.
Little Johnny says no from minding his own business.

Little Johnny Jokes – Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their holidays. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer.
“We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota,” he said.
“That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,” the teacher
said, “Can you tell the class how you spell that?”
Little Johnny thought about it and said, “Come to think of
it, we went to Iowa.”

Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny replies, “HIJKLMNO”!!
The teacher, puzzled, asks, “What on Earth are you talking about?”
Little Johnny replies, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”

Little Johnny Jokes – “If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?”
“One dollar.” answered little Johnny
“You don’t know your basic math.” said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy.”

Little Johnny Jokes – On the way home from the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet and sad.
His father noticed him crying and asked,
“What’s wrong, little Johnny?”
Between sniffles little Johnny replied, “That priest said he
wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want
to stay with you!!”

Little Johnny Jokes – One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
“Hello Johnny, what are you up to?” he asked.
“My goldfish died and I’m gonna bury him,” Johnny replied.
“That’s a really big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” asked the neighbor.
“That’s because he’s inside your cat!”

Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school. One day
he stepped up to the teacher’s desk, and announced, “I don’t want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don’t get better grades… somebody is gonna get a spanking.””

Little Johnny Jokes – A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, “Do you believe in the Devil?”
“No,” said Little Johnny. “It’s the same as Santa Claus. I know it’s my daddy.

Little Johnny Jokes – The teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.” Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?”
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”

Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on.
Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, “Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

Little Johnny Jokes – A priest was talking to a group of kids about “being good” and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“Heaven! Heaven!” Yelled Little Lisa..
“And what do you have to be to get there?” asked the priest.
“Dead!” Yelled Little Johnny.

Little Johnny Jokes – A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”
“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

Little Johnny Jokes – After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. “What’s the matter Johnny?” asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: “that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home…I just want her to stay with you guys.”

Little Johnny Jokes – His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

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More Best Funny Little Johnny Jokes Dirty And Clean

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
“Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10″
“Good. What comes after three?”
“Four,” answers the boy.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven.”
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?”
“A jack”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said
“Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts”
Immediately little Johnny said, “Ooh me sir me”
The coach then said, “But Johnny you are the worst in the team!”
Then Johnny said, “I know, but goalposts can’t jump!”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, “it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an “F” in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6.’”
“But that’s right!” The father replied.
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’”
“What the heck’s the stupid difference?” asked the father.
“That’s what I said!”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny’s teacher about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway. The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running? Little Johnny says; I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir. Who? ask the principal. Me and the kid chasing me; and off he went.

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, “My daddy fell in well last week.”
“Good Lord!” the teacher exclaimed. “Is he OK?”
“He must be,” said Little Johnny. “He stopped calling for help yesterday.”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny wasn’t very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word “new” on the
blackboard. “Now,” she asked Johnny, “what word would we
have if we placed a “K” in the front?”
After a moment’s reflection, Johnny said, “Canoe?”

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – Little Johnny “why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks.
“I used his pen,” he replied.

Funny Little Johnny Jokes – At school one morning the teacher asked little Johnny what he had for breakfast. Little Johnny said, well, on my way to school I come cross this Apple tree, so I climbed up there and started eating apples. I guess I eat about six, said little Johnny. No, said the teacher, it’s ate! Little Johnny said well it could’ve been eight I don’t remember.

little johnny jokes 1

Best Little Johnny Jokes

  • Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, “Well Johnny, it isn’t Christmas and we don’t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead.”
    After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.
    Dear Jesus,
    I’ve been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.
    Your Friend,
    Johnny
    Now Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (a brat), so he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
    Dear Jesus,
    I’ve been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.
    Back to Funny jokes, back to animal jokes, back to simple jokes, back to little johnny jokes, back to kids jokes, back to questions and answers jokes.
    Yours truly,
    Johnny
    Well, Johnny knew this wasn’t totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.
    Dear Jesus,
    I’ve thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?
    Johnny
    Well Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running out of the house. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front of a Catholic church. Johnny went inside and knelt down, looking around, not knowing what he should really do.
    Johnny finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary and ran out the door.
    He went home, hit the statue under his bed and wrote this letter:
    Jesus,
    I’ve got your mamma. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.
    You know who.
  • Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you laugh?” “I did!” sobbed Johnny.
  • Little Johnny was raking leaves with his Dad who was telling him about how the fairies turned the leaves brown. He looked up puzzled and said: Dad haven’t you ever heard of photosynthesis?”
  • Little Johnny was not paying attention in class so the math teacher called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 5, 2, 28 and 40?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO, and Cartoon Network!”
  • A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can’t. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

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