IT Jokes – Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!

Top 50 Best Funny IT Jokes

  1. The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
  2. A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: “Windows frozen”. The husband send answer back: “Pour some warm water over them”. Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: “The computer is completely fucked now”.
  3. Hide all of the desktop icons on someone’s computer and replace the monitor’s wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
  4. Electrons were partying Protons attacked them A hero saved them when the electrons asked his name he said “the name’s Bond” COVALENT BOND
  5. Just before hanging judge askd the prisoner”Any last wish??”
    Prisoner:- “Yes, i want to update my facebuk status
    as “Dead”!!!
  6. A beggar meets another beggar.
    A software engineer meets another software engineer.
    Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question ???
    * So, Which Platform are you Working on ???….
  7. Where’s the best place to hide a body?
    Page two of Google.
  8. A system administrator has 2 problems:
    – dumb users
    – smart users
  9. How do two programmers make money?
    One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
  10. Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, that’s a hardware problem.
  11. Algorithm.
    Word used by programmers when they don’t want to explain what they did.
  12. My wifi suddenly stop working then I realized that my neighbors have not paid the bill.
    How irresponsible people are.
  13. Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
  14. The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI…
  15. I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
  16. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.
  17. Error, no keyboard.
    Press F1 to continue.
  18. Programmer.
    A machine that turns coffee into code.
  19. Funny facts about Google users:
    50% of people use Google well as a search engine.
    The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected
  20. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  21. The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
  22. Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
  23. Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don’t know you have, in a way you don’t understand.
  24. Just before hanging judge askd the prisoner”Any last wish??”
    Prisoner:- “Yes, i want to update my facebuk status
    as “Dead”!!!
  25. Q: Which Bible character had no parents? A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
  26. CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.
  27. Home is where the wifi connects automatically.
  28. There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data
  29. Yo mama so stupid, the password needed 8 characters, so she put Snow white and the 7 dwarves.
  30. How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus?
    Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.
  31. Me: Siri, why am I alone?
    Siri: *opens front facing camera*
  32. What’s an extroverted IT professional? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you, instead of his own.
  33. I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
  34. Your mama so stupid she bought tickets to Xbox Live.
  35. Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
  36. My attitude isn’t bad. It’s in beta.
  37. I’m not anti-social. I’m just not user friendly.
  38. Yo mama is so stupid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.
  39. You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts… Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
  40. It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls.
  41. A press release: “Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence.”
  42. What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1
  43. Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn’t get arrays.
  44. POST Server image uploads in android are easy.
  45. Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers? It doesn’t help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call!
  46. 3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn’t find a table.
  47. What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ? There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
  48. A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”
  49. A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
  50. Life is too short to remove USB safely.

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IT Jokes

IT Jokes – Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: “If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard.” Gates: “Hey, you forgot Windows NT.” Cannavino: “No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future.”

IT Jokes – Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: “If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard.” Gates: “Hey, you forgot Windows NT.” Cannavino: “No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future.”

IT Jokes – When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil.

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IT Jokes – Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won’t unfreeze. Agent: What do you mean, “type eleven?” Caller: The message on my screen says, “Error Type 11!”

IT Jokes – A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. “Due to lack of maintenance,” he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.”

IT Jokes – Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the “Y-to-K” date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and… Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.

IT Jokes – A new army computer is put through its paces. An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’ The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’

IT Jokes – A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:”Why there is only excel installed on this computer?” His boss replies, “It was the only program in your size!”

IT Jokes – A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.

IT Jokes – Womens are like computer virus…
they ENTER your life…
SEARCH your pocket…
SHIFT your balance …
CONTROL your life…
when you become an old version DELET you from the system

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IT Jokes – 99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
1 bug fixed…
Compile again,
100 little bugs in the code.

IT Jokes – A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”.
The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll give you great sex for a week”.
The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll give you great sex for a whole year!”
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?”
“I’m a programmer,” he replies.
“I don’t have time for sex.But a talking frog is pretty neat.”

IT Jokes – While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: “I know Daddy’s password! I know Daddy’s password!”
“What is it?” her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied: “Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!”

IT Jokes – A businessman is invited for an audience with the Pope but finds it clashes with a meeting he has with Bill Gates.
The businessman asks his secretary which appointment he should go to.
‘Definitely the Pope,’ replies the secretary.
‘He’ll only expect you to kiss his hand.’

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More Funny IT Jokes

Funny IT Jokes – CEO frequently overheard mumbling, “Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.”
Windows XP shutdown screen reads, “It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work.”
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

Funny IT Jokes – Bill Gates dies and goes to God.
God says to him:
Because you invented the screen saver I give you the possibility to go wherever you want.
God shoes Bill that in hell there are lots of naked chicks and beaches.
So he chooses hell.
After a while God returns and asks him if he like’s it there.
Bill says:
No! Where are all the chicks you just showed me?
Oh that! That was just a screen saver.

Funny IT Jokes – Only 3 things that are infinite
1.Human Stupidity
2.Universe
3.WinRar Trial

Funny IT Jokes – A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society.
Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests.
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people.
Host: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA’s in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost.
A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people.
Host: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA’s, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants.
A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own.
Host: Why haven’t you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn’t bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan.
20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess.
Host: Where have you been MySQL?
MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.

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Funny IT Jokes – Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they’re the Real McCoy.
The little arrows mean “up”, as in “look up at the screen”.
Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.

Funny IT Jokes – Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales?
Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.

Funny IT Jokes – Daddy, how was I born?
Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN.
Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe.
We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad’s memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that’s the story.

Funny IT Jokes – The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we’re not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.
This virus protests your computer’s involvement in other computer’s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Funny IT Jokes – A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said “I’d like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east.”
The genie responded, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits.”
The programmer then said, “Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes”
Genie: “Uh, let me see that map again.”

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