Hunting Jokes – Wife Goes Hunting
It was Saturday morning and John, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Mary, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. John asks her, “What are you up to?” Mary smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!” John, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. John sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” John walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Mary couldn’t bag an elephant — much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, John starts running back. As John gets closer to her stand, he hears Mary screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, John races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire. Now within sight of where he had left his wife, John is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”‘
Top 10 Q n A Hunting Jokes
- Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no eye-deer.
- Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls? A: Still no fucking eye-deer.
- Q: What did the doe say to the 24 point buck? A: Boy your Horny!
- Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A: Bamboo.
- Q: Why did the hunter miss his mark? A: He was not aiming deerectly for it.
- Q: What do you call four female deer? A: FO REAL DOE
- Q: Who did Bambi invite to his birthday party? A: His nearest and deer-est friends.
- Q: What do deers call hunters? A: Doe foes.
- Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail? A: One that stays off the Highway!
- Q: Whats the cheapist kind of meat? A: Deer balls there under a buck!
Hunting Jokes – Deer Meat
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue. Well, he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’. The little girl screams to her brother ‘Don’t eat it, it’s an asshole..
Hunting Jokes – Two Lawyers
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. The first lawyer announced, “Those are deer tracks. It’s deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey.” The second lawyer responded,”Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we’ll waste the day.” Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Hunting Jokes – A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.
Hunting Jokes – A couple of hunters from Prague are out
hunting, and an emormous
bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of
Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive,
trapped in the belly of the
The other hunter runs back to
town and organizes a rescue party which
heads back to the woods
armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.
Soon they spot two bears on
the horizon and everybody starts shooting
at the bear that’s
closest to them.
“No, not that one,” shouts the surviving hunter,
“The Czech is in the male.”
They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching
The first redneck says to the other, “If you get lost, fire
shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and
is really lost. He
decides to fire three shots into the air as the
first man told him. He
then waits an hour and does it again. He
repeats this until he is out
The next morning, the
first redneck finds the second with the help of
forest rangers. He
asks the second redneck man if he did what he told
The redneck answers, “Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour
on the hour until I ran out of arrows.”
Hunting Jokes – That can’t be right
Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old timer. “You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs,” he said. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, “Maybe tomorrow we’ll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand.”
Hunting Jokes – Ah, I get it
Which side of a deer has the most meat? The inside.
Hunting Jokes – Deer stories
A boastful hunter kept telling his buddies the same story, and they chided him for telling it over and over. He reminded them that they often tell the same stories. “Not so,” said one friend. “We re-share, you repeat.”
Hunting Jokes – Nice try
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. “Give me a couple of steaks,” he says. “We’re out of steaks but we have hotdogs and chicken,” says the butcher. “Hotdogs and chicken?!” yells the hunter. “How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?”
Hunting Jokes – Sunday hunter
One Sunday a Minister feigned illness so he could go deer hunting. That morning he shot a fantastic 14-point buck! Saint Peter looked down from Heaven and said to God, “You aren’t going to let him bag a prize like that are you?” “Why not?” God replied. “Who’s he going to tell?”
Hunting Jokes – Duh, deer
A deer hunter got on his hands and knees to take a closer at some tracks. That’s when he got hit by the train.
More Funny Hunting Jokes
Funny Hunting Jokes – A woman in Bed
A woman is in bed with her husband’s best friend when the phone rings.
Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…
She is speaking in a cheery voice and says, “Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. that sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh” she replies, “that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having on his deer hunting trip with you.”
Funny Hunting Jokes – A grizzly bear slips
A guy was telling his friend about his recent deer hunting trip to Montana.
“We were out in the woods all morning and our guide decided that we should take a break along the river bank. I wasn’t feeling tired so I went for a stroll while the others were resting.
As I was walking, a grizzly bear burst out of the brush in front of me. I turned and started running like hell through the woods with the bear after me. The bear almost caught up with me but slipped and fell down.
I kept running and the bear almost caught up with me again twice, but slipped and fell each time. I finally reached the river bank. The guide saw the bear chasing me and shot it dead.”
“Wow!” replied his friend, “That’s incredible. If I were you, I would have messed all over myself.”
The first guy answered, “What do you think the bear was slipping on?”
Funny Hunting Jokes – The old abandoned mine shaft
There were these two guys out deer hunting when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing
They searched the area for something larger and came upon an old railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a pack mule suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the mule when another deer hunter walked up to them.
“Have you seen my pack mule anywhere in the area?” he asked.
“Yes,” they replied, “one just ran and jumped into the mine shaft in front of us!
The man replied, “that couldn’t be my mule, mine was tied to an old railroad tie with a long rope.”
Funny Hunting Jokes – Pessimist and a dog
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”
“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”
Funny Hunting Jokes – Business and fishing
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!” “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
Funny Hunting Jokes – Bear hunting
Two Aggie hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read “BEAR LEFT” so they went home.
Funny Hunting Jokes – A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.
After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
“Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !” the Warden gasped
With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the Game Warden, ” You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”
“Yes Sir,” panted the young feller,” But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”
Funny Hunting Jokes – Expensive Fish
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They spend a fortune by renting all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”
The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
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