Fishing Jokes – One day, two guys Frank and Bob were out fishing.
A funeral service passes over the bridge they re fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
Frank then said “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”
Bob then replies ” It’s the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years.”
Top 45 Fishing Jokes
- Q: Where do women keep their money when underwater?
A: In a octurpurse.
- Q: Where are most fish found?
A: Between the head and the tail!
- Q: How does an octopus go to war?
- Q: Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
A: On squid row!
- Q: What kind of fish plays the guitar?
- Q: What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
- Q: How do you keep a fish from smelling?
A:Cut off his nose.
- Q: What bit of fish doesn’t make sense?
A: The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!
- Q: What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?
A: A fish tank!
- Q: What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?
- Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
- Q: Why are gold fish orange?
A :The water makes them rusty!
- Q: Who held the baby octopus to ransome?
- Q: What part of a fish weighs the most?
A: It’s scales!
- Q: What fish do road-menders use?
A: Pneumatic krill!
- Q: What is a trouts main job?
A: To keep his daughter off the pole.
- Q: What do fish need to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin Sea.
- Q: What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
A: They go sharkers!
- Q: What do you call a fish that destroys Japan?
- Q: What game do fish like playing the most?
A: Name that tuna!
- Q: Where do fishes work?
A: The Offish
- Q: What do naked fish play with?
- Q: What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon?
A: An electric shark!
- Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
- Q: Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
A: Jack the kipper!
- Q: Have you heard about the Sauna that serves food?
A: Their specialty is steamed mussels.
- Q: What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show?
A: Whale of fortune!
- Q: Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
A: To the prawn broker!
- Q: What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
A: The Codfather!
- Q: What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
A: He got lockjaw!
- Q: Where do fish wash?
A: In a river basin!
- Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish!
- Q: What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab?
A: Snappy answers.
- Q: How do fish go into business?
A: The start on a small scale!
- Q: Which fish go to heaven when they die?
- Q: Have you ever heard of the gold fish that went bankrupt?
A: Now he’s a bronze fish
- Q: What do you get when you cross a mink with an octopus?
A: A coat of arms.
- Q: Which day do fish hate?
- Q: What do you call a fish that can give you a face-lift?
A: A plastic Sturgeon.
- Q: What kind of fish only swims in hot oil?
A: Fish Sticks.
- Q: What did the people say when they were waiting for the dolphins to jump?
A: Water they waiting for!
- Q: What kind of fish chase mice?
- Q: What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line!
- Q: What is the most expensive kind of fish?
A: a goldfish
- Q: Why did the fish go to Hollywood?
A: He wanted to be a starfish!
Fishing Jokes – Boy: Have u ever been fishing before?
Boy: I think we should hook up!
Fishing Jokes – Ice Fishing
A newfie went ice fishing. Heard a voice.” There’s no fish there” Gets up, goes a few feet further. Digs a hole and starts fishing again. Again, he hears the voice. “There’s no fish there” Newfie looks up, is that you Lord No, said the voice. “Its the Manager of the Arena.”
Fishing Jokes – Little Eddy and his mom were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mom.
“No, honey, it won’t do for bait,” she said. “It’s not an earthworm.”
“It’s not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is it from?”
Fishing Joke – There was a billfish fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank.
He was lucky enough to make it to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find.
When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around.
He went over to the fisherman and said, “You know, it’s illegal to kill a California Condor, I’m afraid I m going to have to arrest you.”
The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve, but eventually he calmed down.
“Out of curiosity” the coastguard asked, “What did it taste like?”
The fisherman replied, ” Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle.”
Fishing Jokes – Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water.
Unable to swim, the man screamed for help.
A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I ll give you a hundred dollars.”
The fisherman dove into the water…
In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, “Okay, where’s my hundred dollars?”
The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”
Fishing Jokes – Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: “double my I.Q” so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare.
Then the second fisherman said: “triple my I.Q.” and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn’t know existed.
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!”
The fisherman said “yes” so the mermaid turned him into a woman…
Fishing Jokes – During our day at the lake, my mate asked, “What’s the biggest fish you’ve ever caught?”
“Have you ever seen the film Jaws?”
“Well it was about the same size as the box the DVD comes in.”
Fishing Jokes – A young boy applied for a job at a department store. The store manager said: “We are looking for somebody with sales experience but we’re having a holiday sale tomorrow and you can give it a try.” At the end of the day the manager checked the day sales and was shocked, the boy had sold $79,083.25 worth of merchandise.
He asked the boy how he did it and his replied: “Well this guy was going fishing so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks. He said sure. That’s $1.00. I asked if he had a nice fishing pole. He said no and got a graphite pole for $44.00. I asked if he had a nice reel. He said no and I got him a reel for $35.00. I asked where he will be fishing and he said White Lake. I said the best places to fish are near the center, and when he said he didn’t have a boat, I set him up with a 30 foot cruiser for $28K. I asked if he had a trailer. He didn’t, so I got him a double axle trailer for $3K. Then I asked what he had to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon, so I told him that just wouldn’t do, but we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram for $48K. He wanted it all”.
The store manager was astounded: “And to think it all began with that man asking for fish hooks.” The boy said: “Oh no, it all began with him asking for some $3.25 tampons for his girlfriend, and I said, “Well you won’t be doing much this weekend so you might as well go fishing!”
Fishing Jokes – One fisherman went on fishing trip with his wife and mother-in-law. In the evening, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The man took a swig of whiskey and started to look for her. Not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a lake and a large crocodile stood facing her.
The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the husband. “The crocodile got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”
Fishing Jokes – A sports writer interviewed the 14 time world champing female fisherman.
“What is your secret, do you have a favorite side of the boat or special lure?”
“No” – was the replay to the lure. “As far as the side of the boat that depends on my husband.”
Report says: “I don’t understand.”
“Well it is this way; I lift up the sheets in the morning and look at my husband’s dong, if it is lying on his right leg I fish on the right side of the boat, if on the left I fish on the left side of the boat.”
Reporter: “What if it is standing up???”
“Well then to hell with going fishing!!!”
Fishing Jokes – Mike had terrible day fishing on the lake, sitting in the burning sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the salesman,
“Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the Red Snapper.” “But why?”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take Red Snapper. She would like to have it for dinner tonight.”
One Line Fishing Jokes
- Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
- One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, I Hate 47% of You-ish
- There’s plenty of fish in the sea… Just be careful not to catch crabs.
- Two fish in a tank – one says to the other “Can you drive this thing?”
- Our asking, “Where is God?” is like a fish asking, “Where is water?”
- A fish and a crab were playing with a ball. Then the crab wouldn’t toss the ball back to the fish. The fish cried, “You’re shellfish!”.
- If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.
- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
- I always lose at connect four, tic tac toe, go fish. & relationships.
- there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but you’re my nemo.
- Men are like fish neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
- Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Tell a man one of your long, pointless fishing stories, and he’ll never bother you again.
- There was a sale at the fish market today. I went to see what was the catch.
- My disney channel was “Even Stevens”, “That’s so Raven”, & “Lizzie McGuire” It didn’t involve talking fish or 11 year olds in high school.
- Instead of a cat, buy your kid a fish. It’s easier to flush.
- I got 99 problems but a fish aint one
- Only Smart People Will Get This: 2+2= Fish, 3+3= Eight, 7+7= Triangle, 4+4 = Arrow, 8+8 = Butterfly
- There’s plenty of fish in the sea, but until i catch one, I’m just stuck here holding my rod.
More Fishing Jokes
Fishing Jokes – Father shark teaches his son how to eat a human:
First you swim around one time so that a human can see you,
Then you make another circle, but closer,
And then you attack and swallow a human.
Little shark asks: “Can’t I just attack and swallow? Why make two circles?”
Father responds: “You can, but then you will be eating with shit”
Fishing Jokes – A guy rings his boss and says “I can’t come to work today
The boss asks “Why?”
And the guy says “it’s my eyes.”
“What’s wrong with your eyes?” asks the boss.
“I just can’t see myself coming to work, so I’m going fishing instead…”
Fishing Jokes – A fisherman comes home from fishing.
– Look dear what a catch I have today.
– Well, well, a neighbor saw you go into the fishing store…
– Who? Me? Of course I did, today’s catch was so good so I had to sell part of it.
Fishing Jokes – A man was fishing on a river. The fish bites, but when he took out the fish he had a surprise: It was a gold fish.
“Hey, fisherman” says the fish,” If u set me free I’ll give all that u want. Just make 3 wishes and they’ll become true.”
“Ok, says the fisherman: my first wish: to have a truck filled with money”.
“Done”, says the gold fish and truck filled with money instantly appeared.
“Second wish: to have in every night a top model to sleep with”
“Done” says the gold fish, and all top-models appeared scheduled for all the year days.
“Third wish: I want that my cock be so long so I can touch the ground with it”.
“Done”, says the gold fish, and she cuts the fisherman’s legs.
Fishing Jokes – Officer to a man fishing at the park: “You are fined $20 for fishing in a restricted area.”
Man: “Who said that I was fishing? I just put my worm to swim.
Officer: “Then the fine is $50 for swimming without a bathing suite.
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