Baby Jokes – A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff,
the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. “The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed. The man sympathized and said “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.” “You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.” “That’s a goodidea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”

Top 34 Funny Baby Jokes

  1. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
    Bob
  2. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs left in the middle of the ocean?baby jokes 4
    FUCKED!
  3. How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
    With a blender.
  4. How do you get them out again?
    With Doritos.
  5. What is the difference between a baby and a Mars Bar?
    About 500 calories.
  6. Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
    So you can see the expression on their faces.
  7. What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
    Twins in an acid bath.
  8. What is funnier than a dead baby?
    A dead baby in a clown costume.
  9. How many babies does it take to paint a house?
    Depends how hard you throw them.
  10. How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
    Nail its other hand to the floor.
  11. How do you make a dead baby float?
    Take your foot off its head.baby jokes 3
  12. What has 4 legs and one arm?
    A doberman on a children’s playground.
  13. What’s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
    When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
  14. What is pink, flies and squeals?
    A baby fired from a catapult.
  15. What do you call the baby when it lands?
    Free pizza.
  16. What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
    A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
  17. What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
    A baby with a punctured lung.
  18. What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
    A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
  19. What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
    Dart-boards don’t bleed.
  20. Why did the baby cross the road?
    It was stapled to the chicken.
  21. How do you turn a baby into a dog?
    Pour gas over it and light a match–WOOF!
  22. How do you turn a baby into a cat?
    Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw–M-E-O-W-W…
  23. What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
    One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
  24. What is red and is creeping up your leg?
    An abortion with homesickness.
  25. Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
    So you can see the expression on their faces.
  26. What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
    A baby with forks in its eyes.
  27. What is the worst part about killing a baby?
    Getting blood on your clown suit.
  28. What gets louder as it gets smaller?
    A baby in a trash compactor.
  29. What’s worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?
    Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
  30. What is the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
    You can’t gargle gravel.
  31. What is better than a dead baby?
    The revoked child-support.
  32. What’s worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
    A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
  33. How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
    4 1/2.
  34. What’s the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron?
    I don’t have a tire iron in the trunk of my car.

Baby Jokes

Baby Jokes –What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There’s a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.

Baby Jokes –Know what’s gross?
Running over a baby with a truck.
Know whats worse?
Skidding on it.
Worse than that?
Peeling it off the tires.

Baby Jokes –How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.

Baby Jokes –I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”
The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him wbaby jokes 1hy he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.” The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

Baby Jokes –The bus driver announces that smoking is prohibited and punishable by a fine of several hundred dollars.
Suddenly, a baby starts crying.
“Come on kid,” the bus driver said “you’re only 6 months old, you can make it without a cigarette.”

Baby Jokes –A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense 12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.
Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ….
SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times and THROWS it against the wall….
Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and hollers MY GOD ….. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????
The Nurse chuckles a little to herself ‘April Fools’, she says… He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!

Baby Jokes –Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar.
A pretty woman walks by and Boggs says, “I’m going to ask her out.”
Garvey replied, “You can’t do that, she’s carrying my baby.”
To which Rose added, “You wanna bet?”

Baby Jokes –Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?”
His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.”funny baby jokes 3
Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

Baby Jokes –A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils’ answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, “My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.”
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, “My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby … if I can, and I think I can.”
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, “My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can … and I think can!”

Baby Jokes –Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says: “I feel just like a newborn baby.”
“Really? Like a newborn baby?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

Baby Jokes –A woman and a baby come into the doctor’s office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, “Is he breast fed or on the bottle?”
“Oh … he is breast fed!”, replied the woman.
“Well then, strip down to your waist,” orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: “No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don’t have any milk!”
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: “Well of course I don’t.” “I’m his aunt – but I’m sure glad I brought him in!”

Baby Jokes –Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.
baby jokes 2

More Funny Baby Jokes

Funny Baby Jokes – KID :- Why some of ur hair are
white dad ?
DAD : – Every time a son make his dad
unhappy ,
one of his father’s hair turns white …..
… … KID :- Now understand why
grandpa’s hairs are all white…xP 😛

Funny Baby Jokes – Boy: I’m searching for the
most beautiful girl..!!
Girl: Look I came for you..!!
Boy: That’s nice! Now help
me to find her..!

Funny Baby Jokes – Teacher fell asleep in class and a little naughty boy walked up to him,
Little boy:
“Teacher are you sleeping in class?”
Teacher:
“No I am not sleeping in class.”
Little boy:
“What were you doing sir ?”
Teacher:
“I was talking to God.”
The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him…
Teacher:
“young man, you are sleeping in my class.”
Little boy:
“No not me sir, I am not sleeping.”
Angry teacher:
“What were you doing.??”
Little boy:
“I was talking to God.”
Angry teacher:
“What did He say??”
Little boy:
“God said He never spoke to you yesterday…” 😛

Funny Baby Jokes – Two girls were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says,?Why are you arguing??
One girl answers, ?We found a ten dollar and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.?
?You should be ashamed of yourselves,? said the teacher,?When I was your age I didn?t even know what a lie was.?
The girls gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Funny Baby Jokes – Who is a boy?baby jokes
.
A boy is the most beautiful part of Gods creation.
.
he starts compromising at a very tender age.
.
He sacrifices his chocolates & toys for his sister.
Then he sacrifices his pocket money 4 his gf.
He also sacrifices his cigarettes for friends.
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife and children without complaining.
.
Boy’s life is really tough and full of sacrifice.
.
.
.
.
joke finished! u can laugh now:D 😛 😀

Funny Baby Jokes – Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Johnny: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Johnny: No, but the kid who sits next to me was Absent. 😉

Funny Baby Jokes – Top Answers Of Teachers when they dont know answers
Top Answers Of Teachers
If They Don’t Know The Answers:
1)I Think The Question Is Wrong..
2)I Will Tell You Tomorrow..
3)Don’t Ask Foolish Questions..
4)You Will Study This In The Next Class..
And The Most Important One Is:
5)Nice Question,Raise Your Hands Who Know The Answer :)

Miscellaneous Baby Jokes

Funny Baby Jokes – My Parents Must Be
PROUD,
Because
I m Addicted To
F a c e b o o k
Not
D r u g s..!! =P =D

Funny Baby Jokes – Girl-Nice Mobile.
Where Did U Buy?
Boy-I Won Dis In A Running Race.funny baby jokes 1
Girl-How Many People Participated?
Boy- MOBILE OWNER, POLICE And ME.

Funny Baby Jokes – Little Red Riding Hood didn’t listen to her mother..
Snow White lived with seven men..
Pinnochio was a liar..
Robin Hood was a thief..
Tarzan walked without clothes on..
These are the stories our parents raised us with, and then they complain our generation’s messed up..:-);-):-D

Funny Baby Jokes – Boy to girl before exam: Hey all d best
Girl: All da best to u too
.
But girl scored 80 marks & boy failed
.
.
.
Moral: Only boys wish with true heart.. 😉

Funny Baby Jokes – 3 friends lived in the same flat on the 110th floor. One day the lift wasn’t working. So they had to climb the stairs. To pass time & not get bored, they said that, 1st person should tell a war story, 2nd a funny story & 3rd a sad story. 1st person tells a story & they climb to 50th floor. 2nd tells his funny story & they climb to 109th floor. Now the 3rd has to say a very sad story. He says, “I’ve left the door keys in car”…:-

Funny Baby Jokes – A guy calls his teachr bt gets the teachr’s wife instead
speakng sadly she said
He died last week
The nxt day boy cals again n asks 4 teachr
His wife replies “i told u he died last week”
Nxt day again the boy calls n asks 4 the teachr
By ths tymewife gets upset n shouts
“I’V ALREDY TOLD U THAT MY HUSBND UR TEACHR DIED LAST WEEK! Y DO U KEEP CALLING?
Boy replies
“I LOVE TO HEAR IT AGAIN AND AGAIN” 😉funny baby jokes

Funny Baby Jokes – Cute N Short Love story!
Girl:hey i’ve got two words 2 say
Boy:wht?
Girl:I LOVE U
Boy:huh…isn’t that 3 words!?
Girl:No! Coz (U) and (I) are one!

Funny Baby Jokes – A mouse was going with its kids.a CAT jumped infront of them. Mouse shouted:” BHOW BHOW”
Cat ran away,
Mouse:”that’s the advantage of learning foreign language

Funny Baby Jokes – Tcher:”Wat is past participle of th verb ‘to ring’?”
Johnny:”Wat do u think it is,Sir?”
Teacher:”I dont think, I KNOW!”
Johnny:”I dont think, I know too!”

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