Amazing Jokes – Domino’s Pizza
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread
Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!
Amazing Jokes – The Cost of Vinyl
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, “But there’s a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records.”
Top 21 Amazing Jokes
- What do prisoners use to call each other?
- What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
and what kind of lettuce?
- What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
- How do you get two bagpipers in tune?
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
- What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
- Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says “I’m sorry Mickey but I couldn’t find
grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says “I didn’t say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy
- What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A clit round the ear and a flap across the face
- What do you call a sheep with
- What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
- What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
- How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off
- What do you call a fish with no eye ?
- What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer
- What is invisable and smells like carrots?
- What is a dogs favourite school subject?
- Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all
- Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.
- What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
- Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Cause they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!
- What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Amazing Jokes – Confessions of a Store Santa
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
Amazing Jokes – Father of the nation
Teacher: Who is the father of the nation?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: What does hen lay?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: What is the average speed of cars?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Ask your parents for help and tell me tomorrow.
Next day, the student met the teacher and answered: Mahatma Gandhi lays eggs at the average speed of 45km/hour.
Amazing Jokes – Waiting for the wind to blow
A wife and her husband were gone to see an exibition of paintings. So there was one painting, in it was a girl who was only wearing some leaves on her chest.
The husband was looking at the painting with an open mouth while the wife saw the whole exibibtion and came back to him and asked, “Are u going home or waiting for the wind to blow?”
Amazing Jokes – Twins
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
Amazing Jokes – Chess Enthusiasts
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Amazing Jokes – Green Green Grass of Home
Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.
Amazing Jokes – Phone Ring
My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife’ll look at me and go, ”Who’s that calling at this time?’ ”I don’t know! If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone!”
Amazing Jokes – Two Eskimos
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
Amazing Jokes – Affair
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
Amazing Jokes – New Word
These words are so joining our vocabulary in 2016!
Chairdrobe (n.): piling clothes on a chair in place of a closet or dresser.
Epiphanot (n.): an idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver but is in fact pointless,…
Amazing Jokes – Monkey
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Amazing Jokes – Two kids
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
More Amazing Jokes
Amazing Jokes – Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
Amazing Jokes – A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Amazing Jokes – Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Amazing Jokes – Station Master and a Lady Passenger
A lady was running to catch a train to Bangalore. She reached the station and was searching for the train.
Passenger: (Asked to the station master) Sir, is this my train?
Station Master: No Madam, this is not your train, it’s railways department’s train.
Passenger: (Annoyed) That’s a good joke. Don’t act too smart. What I meant was, can I take this train to Bangalore?
Station Master: No ma’am, you cannot! This train is so BIG and you can’t take it.
Passenger: Its really funny! Now say me, will this train take me to Bangalore?
Station Master: NO ma’am. The train can’t take you. The train driver will drive it to Bangalore!
The passenger fainted!
Amazing Jokes – Customer called to Tech support: “my computer is not connecting to Internet”
Tech support: “Ok, which operating system are you using?”
Customer: “Internet explorer”!
Tech support: “No, you just right click on “my computer” and click on the properties menu”
Customer: “what are you saying, this is not your computer, it is my computer”!
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Funny Jokes In English
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